How men and women show their feelings about infertility differently

One of the things I find charming about working in fertility medicine is that when the two of them sit down in front of me, three interactions happen at the same moment:

• between me and the couple
• between the husband, or the wife, and me
• and between the husband and wife themselves

Often this shows me what your relationship is like — who leads and who follows. In some couples nobody leads; in others nobody follows. Either way it is a chemistry that gives every couple its own balance and its own flavour, and I would hate to see that affection disappear. Keep tending to each other’s hearts.

And precisely because women and men are different, their view of infertility and the way their minds go about solving the problem can differ too. I have had couples argue right in front of me until I had to call a truce.

So today I want to point out how most women and most men see it differently, so that we can understand the other side a little better.

Women open up

Women will usually talk about the infertility — with their husband, with family, or with friends.

But if the problem turns out to be on the husband’s side, she will usually keep it to herself.

Men seem distant

Men tend to keep their feelings in, so the wife may feel he has grown distant — even though he worries no less than we do.

And if the problem is on his side as well, some of them feel they are not much of a man at all.

With my best wishes — Dr. Patsama Vichinsartvichai